Reading Drop the Rock - some good stuff in there. Overcoming my know-it-all-ism and taking direction.
(Have a sense these can be grouped together.)
A character defect = resistance to change.
The opposite of the defect is the spiritual principle.
Addicted to dysfunctional loops/ruts of behavior "My Way" it's comfortable. To change means responsibility and terror of the unknown - at least I know my present pain.
Humility is an acceptance of ourselves. Seeing ourselves as we are and humbly striving to move toward a self-determined objective "better"
God can't help us remove our character defects if we keep practicing them. Only God can remove our character defects. But we can act as if they've been removed. this is called willingness to change. Willingness to try to practice these principles in all our affairs is the key. Faith is "acting as if." Believing that if we change our conduct, our character and consciousness will benefit - if slowly.
Defect - Principle
Dishonest - Honesty - be honest today.
Fear - Courage
Pride - Humility - knowing who I am.
Selfish, Ego-Centric - Selfless, Generous, Other-centric "get out of myself" "not looking for mine" - getting out of results
Either do it my way or a check out - being willing to do it other people's way. (mirroring father - it's horrific) - this is actually the little thing that's the big thing underneath everything. With every other job I've had, I've cut and run at a certain point - with this one, I've had to sit in it - trapped. All of the other character defects have come out of this ... whatever it is. The insidious Need to be in charge.
Possessive/Controlling/Manipulative/"Finessing" /guilt-tripping/pouting/brooding/silent-treatment/passive aggressive/undermining/string-pulling/button-pushing/gossip - Stay in Your own lane, The spiritual principle Minding your own business. Be clear, straightforward. Take care of your side of the street.
Childish, immature, irreverent, disrespectful, inappropriate, mean, petty, use of expletives/not understanding or being intentionally disruptive or disregarding other people's thoughts and feelings. Railroading people. (they always get you back in the end.) - Adult, mature "Take the high road" Respectful, invite people on the train.
untrustworthy/irresponsible - trustworthy & mature (stop trying to disrupt the system, stop complaining - just do your job)
complaining/negative - positive, bright, optimistic, happy, encouraging.
Jealous/Envy - Gratitude
Sloth/Procrastination / always looking for the short cut- Action! and proper, action - the obstacles are the path, the fears are your to-do list confront rather than hide from
Entitled "I deserve" / linked to magical thinking - wanting to be taken care of without doing the work- Gratitude, Humility
(Instance: showing up at M+P and tanking - haven't done shit there, but still have an ego.) | Be glad you DON'T get what you deserve
Insecure/in constant need of reassurance/ Sense of persecution/ paranoia/ feeling always like a I did the wrong thing/ not measuring up/ not good enough/ imposter syndrome / "Whispering Walls" (was the work that got me the job even my work?) fear of being found out.
- opposite - pray, check with other people, think about their needs, remove self and results from process, let go. Secure, confident, being okay w who you are. (act as if)
Self-serious/Defensive - Take work seriously, the program seriously - but Rule 62 "Don't take yourself too damn seriously" (You're missing the best joke of your life.
[home & work]
Harsh/Hard/Hot/Loud/Yelling/Boat Captain Drill Sergeant bs/unforgiving of self and others - Quiet, clear, calm, cool, considered - slowed down. Acceptance. Everyone has the right to be wrong.
Grandiose/Big-shot-ism /know-it-all-ism/over-valuing self /"Don't you know who I think I am?"/Arrogance - Staying right sized, humility - again, knowing who you are - Grandiosity is linked to, a compensation for, insecurity - Rule 62.
Judgmental, intolerant - Tolerance, acceptance, you're not in charge and thank God.
[home/work]
Angry/Rageful/irritable - Calm, serenity - compassion says EE - "transform anger into compassion"
ingrate/ incorrigible /unwilling to follow/ uncooperative/ bad team player - Be a team player. Be helpful. (I actually enjoy this until pushed too far or not appreciated. I want to be be appreciated for my awesome egolessness)
Demand to be treated special - acceptance. Pray to be useful and helpful
Bitter/ill-tempered/chip on my shoulder - grateful
Pouty and Brooding / again, grateful and positive. Acceptance is the Answer. either change it, or change yourself. One or the other.
Mocking/bitter/sarcastic/biting comments/negative/I'm miserable so I think my wife and everybody else should be miserable too - I've figured it out, after all. People suck. Everything I care about is dying, suffocating or on fire. "Thanos was only half right" I'm this contagious, typhoid Mary of compulsive negativism.
sidenote: incredibly brave of Gabi to break our downward spiral - the negative, ranting, commiseration loop. I couldn't do it. a) I'm addicted and b) it was this twisted form of intimacy between us and I was getting off on it.
Lustful - Purity
Gluttony - moderation (watch the desserts, over-eating()
Lack of restraint/ shooting mouth off/unpredictable/loud/- this is linked to immaturity - Restraint - slowed down / letting people finish. Not having to talk.
[I'm actually going to try an experiment this week - not sharing in meetings, and listening. - I don't have to share. That's all. I need to remind myself of that.
Mercurial/Histrionic/dramatic/need to be center of attention - if I'm not the leader and in charge, I don't want any part of it.
emotional/moody/"bi-polar" - calm, acceptance/ "yoga is evenness of mind"
Don't finish things/ lack of follow through /fear of success / perfectionism- setting daily goals, follow through, enjoy the process / the day/ enjoy the journey - this urge to "get it over with" is actually counterproductive.
Undisciplined/impulsive/unfocussed/ wrapped up in activity rather than concerted focussed action - setting endless to do lists so I don't have to think or feel.
For example, I want to finish this writing project and I keep doing this other stuff. and I beat myself up for it. Years of being too busy w work and now I'm not busy and I miss the excuse of being too busy? Ha.
Self-sabotaging / out of fear /setting self up for failure, because of fear of failure - what happens if I actually try for the things I want? /My suspect life-view will crumble. I could be wrong. Maybe I don't suck. Maybe everything doesn't suck. I want credit for suffering.
Impatient - Patience
Irresponsible/don't want to take responsibility/the shifting of blame and responsibility / sidestepping - opposite, shouldering the loud, stepping up. /
Going it alone/not asking for advice - I'm human, I need help. It's not shameful to ask for help.
self-chastising/punishing/masochistic/beating self up/inability to let go of failures - ??? Self-love (if you don't love yourself, who will?)
Not maintaining things/careless/thoughtless/not detail oriented / uncaring of things and people and their feelings - Caring, thoughtful
scheming - planning
Extravagance and irresponsibility (financial) - responsible, awareness of situation. Accepting situation. Not wishing it was different.
putting too much pressure on myself/intentionally overwhelming self; cruelly creating anxiety
"People pleasing" - again, stay in your own lane - it's just another form of control and manipulation
Want to be taken care of/but controlling
Wanting credit and control/ but not the responsibility
negative attitude / ill-humor - positive, optimistic.
****
What do think of Easwaran's thing of getting to the root of these things, and ripping them out, root and branch? After all, they are all defects based on self - right?
I would like to act intuitively right - from my deeper self, rather from my fears insecurities and baser desires.
I am actually optimistic about this process. I see things that I can do different. Some bad habits that I've fallen into that are not part of me. I can address these things. I'm looking forward to experimenting with a new way of doing things.
(Have a sense these can be grouped together.)
A character defect = resistance to change.
The opposite of the defect is the spiritual principle.
Addicted to dysfunctional loops/ruts of behavior "My Way" it's comfortable. To change means responsibility and terror of the unknown - at least I know my present pain.
Humility is an acceptance of ourselves. Seeing ourselves as we are and humbly striving to move toward a self-determined objective "better"
God can't help us remove our character defects if we keep practicing them. Only God can remove our character defects. But we can act as if they've been removed. this is called willingness to change. Willingness to try to practice these principles in all our affairs is the key. Faith is "acting as if." Believing that if we change our conduct, our character and consciousness will benefit - if slowly.
Defect - Principle
Dishonest - Honesty - be honest today.
Fear - Courage
Pride - Humility - knowing who I am.
Selfish, Ego-Centric - Selfless, Generous, Other-centric "get out of myself" "not looking for mine" - getting out of results
Either do it my way or a check out - being willing to do it other people's way. (mirroring father - it's horrific) - this is actually the little thing that's the big thing underneath everything. With every other job I've had, I've cut and run at a certain point - with this one, I've had to sit in it - trapped. All of the other character defects have come out of this ... whatever it is. The insidious Need to be in charge.
Possessive/Controlling/Manipulative/"Finessing" /guilt-tripping/pouting/brooding/silent-treatment/passive aggressive/undermining/string-pulling/button-pushing/gossip - Stay in Your own lane, The spiritual principle Minding your own business. Be clear, straightforward. Take care of your side of the street.
Childish, immature, irreverent, disrespectful, inappropriate, mean, petty, use of expletives/not understanding or being intentionally disruptive or disregarding other people's thoughts and feelings. Railroading people. (they always get you back in the end.) - Adult, mature "Take the high road" Respectful, invite people on the train.
untrustworthy/irresponsible - trustworthy & mature (stop trying to disrupt the system, stop complaining - just do your job)
complaining/negative - positive, bright, optimistic, happy, encouraging.
Jealous/Envy - Gratitude
Sloth/Procrastination / always looking for the short cut- Action! and proper, action - the obstacles are the path, the fears are your to-do list confront rather than hide from
Entitled "I deserve" / linked to magical thinking - wanting to be taken care of without doing the work- Gratitude, Humility
(Instance: showing up at M+P and tanking - haven't done shit there, but still have an ego.) | Be glad you DON'T get what you deserve
Insecure/in constant need of reassurance/ Sense of persecution/ paranoia/ feeling always like a I did the wrong thing/ not measuring up/ not good enough/ imposter syndrome / "Whispering Walls" (was the work that got me the job even my work?) fear of being found out.
- opposite - pray, check with other people, think about their needs, remove self and results from process, let go. Secure, confident, being okay w who you are. (act as if)
Self-serious/Defensive - Take work seriously, the program seriously - but Rule 62 "Don't take yourself too damn seriously" (You're missing the best joke of your life.
[home & work]
Harsh/Hard/Hot/Loud/Yelling/Boat Captain Drill Sergeant bs/unforgiving of self and others - Quiet, clear, calm, cool, considered - slowed down. Acceptance. Everyone has the right to be wrong.
Grandiose/Big-shot-ism /know-it-all-ism/over-valuing self /"Don't you know who I think I am?"/Arrogance - Staying right sized, humility - again, knowing who you are - Grandiosity is linked to, a compensation for, insecurity - Rule 62.
Judgmental, intolerant - Tolerance, acceptance, you're not in charge and thank God.
[home/work]
Angry/Rageful/irritable - Calm, serenity - compassion says EE - "transform anger into compassion"
ingrate/ incorrigible /unwilling to follow/ uncooperative/ bad team player - Be a team player. Be helpful. (I actually enjoy this until pushed too far or not appreciated. I want to be be appreciated for my awesome egolessness)
Demand to be treated special - acceptance. Pray to be useful and helpful
Bitter/ill-tempered/chip on my shoulder - grateful
Pouty and Brooding / again, grateful and positive. Acceptance is the Answer. either change it, or change yourself. One or the other.
Mocking/bitter/sarcastic/biting comments/negative/I'm miserable so I think my wife and everybody else should be miserable too - I've figured it out, after all. People suck. Everything I care about is dying, suffocating or on fire. "Thanos was only half right" I'm this contagious, typhoid Mary of compulsive negativism.
sidenote: incredibly brave of Gabi to break our downward spiral - the negative, ranting, commiseration loop. I couldn't do it. a) I'm addicted and b) it was this twisted form of intimacy between us and I was getting off on it.
Lustful - Purity
Gluttony - moderation (watch the desserts, over-eating()
Lack of restraint/ shooting mouth off/unpredictable/loud/- this is linked to immaturity - Restraint - slowed down / letting people finish. Not having to talk.
[I'm actually going to try an experiment this week - not sharing in meetings, and listening. - I don't have to share. That's all. I need to remind myself of that.
Mercurial/Histrionic/dramatic/need to be center of attention - if I'm not the leader and in charge, I don't want any part of it.
emotional/moody/"bi-polar" - calm, acceptance/ "yoga is evenness of mind"
Don't finish things/ lack of follow through /fear of success / perfectionism- setting daily goals, follow through, enjoy the process / the day/ enjoy the journey - this urge to "get it over with" is actually counterproductive.
Undisciplined/impulsive/unfocussed/ wrapped up in activity rather than concerted focussed action - setting endless to do lists so I don't have to think or feel.
For example, I want to finish this writing project and I keep doing this other stuff. and I beat myself up for it. Years of being too busy w work and now I'm not busy and I miss the excuse of being too busy? Ha.
Self-sabotaging / out of fear /setting self up for failure, because of fear of failure - what happens if I actually try for the things I want? /My suspect life-view will crumble. I could be wrong. Maybe I don't suck. Maybe everything doesn't suck. I want credit for suffering.
Impatient - Patience
Irresponsible/don't want to take responsibility/the shifting of blame and responsibility / sidestepping - opposite, shouldering the loud, stepping up. /
Going it alone/not asking for advice - I'm human, I need help. It's not shameful to ask for help.
self-chastising/punishing/masochistic/beating self up/inability to let go of failures - ??? Self-love (if you don't love yourself, who will?)
Not maintaining things/careless/thoughtless/not detail oriented / uncaring of things and people and their feelings - Caring, thoughtful
scheming - planning
Extravagance and irresponsibility (financial) - responsible, awareness of situation. Accepting situation. Not wishing it was different.
putting too much pressure on myself/intentionally overwhelming self; cruelly creating anxiety
"People pleasing" - again, stay in your own lane - it's just another form of control and manipulation
Want to be taken care of/but controlling
Wanting credit and control/ but not the responsibility
negative attitude / ill-humor - positive, optimistic.
****
What do think of Easwaran's thing of getting to the root of these things, and ripping them out, root and branch? After all, they are all defects based on self - right?
I would like to act intuitively right - from my deeper self, rather from my fears insecurities and baser desires.
I am actually optimistic about this process. I see things that I can do different. Some bad habits that I've fallen into that are not part of me. I can address these things. I'm looking forward to experimenting with a new way of doing things.
Principles.
This is your chance to outline who you want to be, right? No one else is going to do it. Take all you've learned, all your experience and be the one you want to be.
Truth
Courage
Humility (as opposed to false-humility) Being Right-Sized.
knowing who you are.
"To be helpful is our only aim"
Other-centric
Generosity
Team-member
Cooperative
Collaborative
Allow others to lead, accommodating, deferring, respectful, share the spotlight
Minding your own business (is a spiritual principle) | allowing people to do their jobs, be themselves ("everyone has the right to be wrong)
Clear, Calm, Quiet, Cool, considerate, under Pressure, Slowed down, Serene, restraint of tongue, pen, email & text
Decisive (if you don't make judgments in a hurry you can be decisive - make decision not our of fear or anger or other character defects0
One-Pointed, focussed & in the moment. The most important person in the world is the one right in front of you, now.
Let people finish
Forgiving/easy going "Easy Does It"
Straightforward
Adult
Mature
Take the high-road
Respectful
Trustworthy
Responsible
Problem-solver
Non-abrasive
Helpful
Gratitude
Action
Confidence
Secure in Self / OK w Self, Respect Self, Don't diss on Self, Self-effacing
Rule 62 - "Don't Take Yourself too damn seriously" (or your opinions, especially your opinions)
It's ok not to know. Ask for help.
Tolerance
Acceptance of people, places and the current state of affairs
Compassionate
Understanding, a good listener, patient, let people finish.
Loving
Purity & cleanliness
moderation
Follow-through
Finish things
Patience
Caring
Thoughtful
Plan
Positive, Even-tempered, optimistic
Take the high road, // don't be petty.
This is who I want to be.
****
I think these are all rather generic and program and EE / 8-point oriented. What are the aspects of your character that make you an individual? That you can own? Think about that.
****
I want to be:
A good AA.
A good advocate and exemplar of the 8-point program. (and all that entails)
A good Godsil.
I want to fulfill my roles as father and as a creative director at M+P.
I want to be a good friend.
A good citizen of my town, my state, my country, my world.
My gifts are mostly intellectual and creative.
My experience is advertising, running, healthy, music, meditation, sailing, coaching - being a father. I'm well read. I've travelled a bit.
Being in recovery.
Being a sadhak.
That's it.
Well, sorta "it"
Really, who do I want to be ... that I'm not? Where are the deficits? I wanted to be respected. My judgment respected. Don't want to be a whiney-ass bitch. I want to be compassionate. Steady in a storm.
I want to be kind to myself. I want to show up and do my job. I want o not ask too much of myself, or others.
I want to be aware of other's feelings.
I want to stay quiet and not add that last little clever thing that makes me feel bad.
I want to NOT judge others.
I want to have a good day.
This is your chance to outline who you want to be, right? No one else is going to do it. Take all you've learned, all your experience and be the one you want to be.
Truth
Courage
Humility (as opposed to false-humility) Being Right-Sized.
knowing who you are.
"To be helpful is our only aim"
Other-centric
Generosity
Team-member
Cooperative
Collaborative
Allow others to lead, accommodating, deferring, respectful, share the spotlight
Minding your own business (is a spiritual principle) | allowing people to do their jobs, be themselves ("everyone has the right to be wrong)
Clear, Calm, Quiet, Cool, considerate, under Pressure, Slowed down, Serene, restraint of tongue, pen, email & text
Decisive (if you don't make judgments in a hurry you can be decisive - make decision not our of fear or anger or other character defects0
One-Pointed, focussed & in the moment. The most important person in the world is the one right in front of you, now.
Let people finish
Forgiving/easy going "Easy Does It"
Straightforward
Adult
Mature
Take the high-road
Respectful
Trustworthy
Responsible
Problem-solver
Non-abrasive
Helpful
Gratitude
Action
Confidence
Secure in Self / OK w Self, Respect Self, Don't diss on Self, Self-effacing
Rule 62 - "Don't Take Yourself too damn seriously" (or your opinions, especially your opinions)
It's ok not to know. Ask for help.
Tolerance
Acceptance of people, places and the current state of affairs
Compassionate
Understanding, a good listener, patient, let people finish.
Loving
Purity & cleanliness
moderation
Follow-through
Finish things
Patience
Caring
Thoughtful
Plan
Positive, Even-tempered, optimistic
Take the high road, // don't be petty.
This is who I want to be.
****
I think these are all rather generic and program and EE / 8-point oriented. What are the aspects of your character that make you an individual? That you can own? Think about that.
****
I want to be:
A good AA.
A good advocate and exemplar of the 8-point program. (and all that entails)
A good Godsil.
I want to fulfill my roles as father and as a creative director at M+P.
I want to be a good friend.
A good citizen of my town, my state, my country, my world.
My gifts are mostly intellectual and creative.
My experience is advertising, running, healthy, music, meditation, sailing, coaching - being a father. I'm well read. I've travelled a bit.
Being in recovery.
Being a sadhak.
That's it.
Well, sorta "it"
Really, who do I want to be ... that I'm not? Where are the deficits? I wanted to be respected. My judgment respected. Don't want to be a whiney-ass bitch. I want to be compassionate. Steady in a storm.
I want to be kind to myself. I want to show up and do my job. I want o not ask too much of myself, or others.
I want to be aware of other's feelings.
I want to stay quiet and not add that last little clever thing that makes me feel bad.
I want to NOT judge others.
I want to have a good day.